No one should ever have to bury a child or a grandchild. It's not natural, it just shouldn't be.Unfortunately we did in fact bury a grandchild at 7 days old. Losing a baby girl for our family was an unthinkable event. No loss is greater. What makes the loss worse are comments of insincerity, ignorance or just plain thoughtlessness. There are also those people who try to make you feel better who mean well but just cannot possibly understand. So I have come up with guidelines strictly from experience. Maybe this post will help someone else.
1- DO NOT act like the child never existed. It is okay to talk about, remember and share about the child. The worse thing is to feel like your child did not matter. Saying nothing is as bad as saying the wrong thing.2- DO NOT say it gets better with time. That is not true whatsoever. You learn to go on and deal with your emotions and loss but never ever does it get better with time.
3- DO NOT say God needed another angel. If God wanted more angels he would just create one.
4- DO NOT say you can have other children. It makes the lost child seem disposable. And what if you can't?
5- DO NOT compare the grief to another death. It's not the same, burying a child is different.
6- DO LISTEN. Let us talk about her, let us remember.
7- DO UNDERSTAND. Understand when we don't want to attend baby showers and birthday parties. Please don't take it personally if those events take our breath away. Will it always be that way? Maybe not but it is what it is.
8- DO NOT be offended by "strange" photos. Your child's lives may be full of cake, presents, milestones and growth. Ours consists of hospitals, still shots, grave stones and flowers.
9- DO PRAY for peace, for strength, for mercy and the ability for the grieving to face each day.
10- DO KNOW that everyone grieves in different time tables. No one can predict the length of sorrow you will experience. Though our beautiful child is in heaven it doesn't take away the longing to be with her. Are we grateful she lives in heaven? of course. Do we want her to? NO. We want her here.